Friday, July 29, 2005

Top 100 Movie Quotes, #40-#31


Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Jake Taylor: Harris.
Pedro Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
Eddie Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

Ah, President Cerrano the Insurance Salesman, welcome to the list. Here's another quote that tends to get a lot of mileage, especially when someone on our church team swings and misses. Come to think of it, even with a nice A.Fuente 8-5-8 and a bottle of Captain Morgan, Jobu never did show up and help me find my power swing. Up your butt, Jobu!


Michael: My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
Kay Adams: What was that?
Michael: Luca Brasi, held a gun to his head, and my father assured him, that either his brain or his signature would be on the contract.

Hopefully you didn't think we'd make it through my whole list without a Godfather quote or two. The "offer he can't refuse" is certainly a classic reference, but I prefer the exposition Michael provides to the gravelly simplicity of Vito's version.


Michelle: This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

This line was a bolt out of the blue in my first viewing of the movie. Here we sit, expecting another long and lame story about band geeks, but tasty Alyson Hannigan (even though she's the "nerd" to the supposedly hotter Tara Reid and Shannon Elizabeth, she comes off far sexier) throws the curveball. The great Chevy Chase foreshadowed this great line years earlier, as Ty Webb informed us that "A flute without holes is not a flute."


Happy Gilmore: Step right up, folks. See if you can out-drive the Amazing, uhhh, Golf Ball, uhhhhhhhh, Wacker Guy!

There's not much to add to this line, as it more or less speaks for itself. It's oft-quoted in my circle of friends, often with "softball" substituted for "golf ball."


Jay: [singing] / Fifteen bucks, little man, / Put that shit in my hand, / If that money doesn't show, / Then you owe me, owe me, owe, / My jungle love, yeah, / Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, / I think I want to know ya, know ya, / Yeah, what?
Teen #1: What the hell are you singing?
Jay: You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-fucking Time.

Oh, where to begin with this one? First and foremost, it's just a lot of fun to say "Morris Day and the Muthafuckin' Time!" Further, it is a frickin' phenomenal song, and the little concert at the end of the movie was great. Hang in there, Morris...we know you kicked Prince's ass in Purple Rain. You was robbed! Finally, one thing I love about Kevin Smith movies: the cross references within the 5 films. Since Jay has already met God in Dogma, he knows to use the correct pronoun "herself" here. Outstanding!


Axel Foley: What are you all, the second team?
Detective McCabe: We're the first team.
Detective Foster: Yeah, and we're not going to fall for a banana in the tailpipe.
Axel Foley: [Mocking him] You're not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe? It should be more natural, brother. It shouldflow out, like this - "Look, man, I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tailpipe!" See, that's more natural for us. You been hanging out with this dude too long

One thing that surprised me when I finished selecting the Top 100 was the dearth of Eddie Murphy quotes. He's been in a number of really funny movies, and I expected to end up with lines from films like The Golden Child, Bowfinger, and 48 Hours. Basically, I just loved the actual banana in the tailpape gag, Axel's mockery of Foster, and of course the underlying innuendo.


Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?
Banky Edwards: I dunno. Get a pizza, watch "Degrassi Jr. High".
Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.
Banky Edwards: I got a weird thing for girls who say, "Aboot."

I love this quote on so many levels. Before anyone knew of Kevin Smith, he and I shared a common obsession with the Canadian series Degrassi Junior High (later Degrassi High). I was within a year or two of the characters' ages when the show debuted, and I just really got into it. It helps that Stacie Mistysyn, who played one of the main female characters (Caitlin) rivaled Alyssa Milano as my early-teens dream girl. I actually ordered the first 2 seasons of the show on DVD just this week, and just last night discovered that one of my good friends also really liked the show back in the day. Furthermore, I'm just a sucker for "oot and aboot," "eh?," the superfluous U, and such. Yay for Canadia!


Jake: Shut up fuckface.
Joe Hallenbeck: I'm fuckface, he's asshole. [Jimmy smiles sarcastically, in agreement]
Scrabble Man: Jake? [Jake punches Joe in the face]
Scrabble Man: Advise Rodney Dangerfield here of the situation. Perhaps we can dispense with the fun and games now, yes?
Joe Hallenbeck: You want the envelope, right?
Scrabble Man: The envelope, very smart. See Jake, here is a man who knows when a situation is untenable.
Joe Hallenbeck: Good word.
Scrabble Man: You like that word? And you do have that envelope, don't you?
Joe Hallenbeck: Better give up, Jimmy. We're dealin' with a couple of geniuses here. [Jake punches Joe again]
Jimmy Dix: Hey man, just leave him the fuck alone. [Jake proceeds to kick Jimmy in the gut] Scrabble Man: Leave him alone? Yeah, sure Jimmy. Whatever you say. Jake here takes his job with a certain exuberance.
Jimmy Dix: Shit, we're being beat up by the inventor of scrabble.

Here's another great exchange from Bruce and Damon. How cool is it that the character is actually credited as "Scrabble Man?" I'll show my 45% nerdy side here and admit that I love playing Scrabble, and am riding a 16-year undefeated streak at the moment (my mom and my friend Jim each tied me once in that span).


Kate: Toe pick!

It's simple and classic. These two words make repeated appearances in many of the funniest scenes, and the quote comes in quite handy anytime one of my friends takes a fall in sports or otherwise.


Stinger: Maverick, you just did and incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! you don't own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash. You've been busted, you've lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral's daughter!
Goose: Penny Benjamin?

James Tolkan is perfect here as Stinger, and the ego writing checks line is truly inspired. As usual, Goose adds a little extra to a line that was already good. Unable to keep quiet even as he and Mav are berated, he injects a bit of humor, and Cruise's little nod back to him is truly an outstanding subtle touch to the scene.


Blogger Di said...

Personally, I cannot believe that Toe Pick ranked above anything uttered by Jay, but hey, it's your list not mine. =D Woo! #36 Rules!!!

9:28 AM  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

I can't believe I sat through that movie... and paid $3.75 for the privledge.

D.B. fuckin Sweeney... Jeez.

11:00 PM  
Blogger Dew said...

Wait a minute.... Ain't *I* beat you at scrabble??? (Or does it not count 'cause it's Literati?)

Oh, and I LOVE D.B. Fuckin' Sweeney... Yummmmm.

5:55 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two questions:

1) Where's the rest of the list
2) Why can't you get to the list from the intro page (NO LINK!)

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